I have been addicted for many years. I was in a mobile game called No man's land TWD. (The Walking Dead). I'm a huge fan of the series and that's how I started playing.

 

By the end I was playing around the clock. And in this game there is a "guild". There you can chat with others who are in the game. Not much can be written in that in game chat. So...I got Invited to be seen on app. Like LINE, Discard or What's app. Sometimes several. For tips.

 

I have tried to break up before from this game. Deleted the account permanently. But then I built it back up now again, for years.

 

Now join a guild called Dead Stalkers 3. It's a family. Dead Stalkers is the main guild and a hardcore guild, it's a top guild where players are at the top 100- list in the whole world.

 

Then there is Dead Stalkers 2, then after 2 you're coming up to the hardcore guild. Then there is Dead Stalkers 3. Then there is Dead Squeakers, (formerly Dead Stalkers 4) there I was for years before I got up to Dead Stalkers 3. There is also a beginner guild called Quiet Foricity. There it is  no war, or if you want you can play, but more like a funday or training guild war.

That was my own suggestion to that guild.

 

But consider this is just one guild family among millions. Over ten million download this mobile game. It's popular, a Finnish company made it, Next games. It was then bought by German , DECA games.

 

It is popular because they have received rights from the TV series The Walking Dead, which is one of the world's most watched series. It's about zombies, and we slay zombies in the series of the heroes of the series.

 

We have Guild War seasons, because we to do war against other guilds. I was Co leader in my guild.

 

But there was one person who held the whole guild family together, Capybara he called himself. He recruits all players from all levels and plays in the hardcore guild himself. He talks and chatted with all of us who are in this guild on LINE app. The more we talked the more we played.

 

And then you have to have good weapons and armor and of course it costs money. But you can also get good weapons only by playing at these war. Not everyone spends money, You can also buy gold and petrol. With more.

 

They had a crown map players had made. About having traits and badges that you would crafting through components. Upgrade the heroes to five pink stars through tokens. Then you must upgrade 10 traits. All this takes years and years.

 

You collect stars by playing the challenges. By how many stars you collect, you can end up on the list. I was in 58th place on the Swedish list. At most had over 4000 stars on a challenge.

 

Challenge starts on Wednesdays and ends on Monday. War is in seasons. And when it is , you play the war on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday and Sunday. You can choose two war days.

 

I drew up war plans for the guild. Early in the morning before I went to work. What levels were they at? Which sector they could take in the war. I finally took sector 12. I could finally also finished The Distance at their hard map. 👊

 

Warplan from Tuesday to Sunday.. For example. Which players would take which islands. 18 attacks on each player ie swords. We played all day until early the next morning.

 

I started seeing things through. Not this time, also last time I played. Realized that MAYBE Capybara must have been employed by the company trying to get players to spend on guns, armor, etc. Why otherwise would the players lay down so much time for this, I was wondering? But I can be wrong. And he of course could say he isn't. I never asked. But I was wondering. And that question never leaves me. Of course, if it was true, they would never admitt it.  It's no point to even ask. Coming to think more about it,  I realized something more. I can't trust these people. Maybe, just, maybe, it's a little click of players that the company give money, because they, read Capybara, maybe Ren, and god knows who else, recruiting players? Players that eventually going to buy their stuff? And I can't be on a place like that if that's true. Because if that is true, the game company is fooling is. And here am I doing their job for free. Fuck that.

 

And even if it's not true , I really hate that we players give this company our money. It's difficult times now for everyone. The War in Ukraine drives up the prices for food. In Gaza Israel have conduct genocide. And here we are, laying our money on a game company, making the rich richier, while people is starving. It makes me sick for sure. And I don't want to be a part of that !!

 

 

If you want to be king Ego and badass in this game, you gotta pay, bitch.

 

I'm in therapy and I asked my psychotherapist: "What is the goal of the game??" And that's what I said, to be number one in the world on the global list! But who cares about this list!? I asked Petra, and she just shook her head. She told me that right now I can't control life, (I have things with my family). She said when I want to control my life I instead control the game. To kill the zombies. Etc. I had absolute control over the game.

 

I was starting to realize how incredibly addicted I am to this game. Sick leave from job until April and I played day and night. I ate badly. Didn't go out. I didn't sleep at all, sleeping pills didn't even help. I felt terrible while climbing the list. And wrote and talked to the game friends as much in LINE. Too much. I was ashamed of myself.

 

But I wrote to another Swede who was there (we were from all over the world) that I will stop. I was shocked myself by what I wrote. But the process was underway. I wanted to quit. This was killing me. This last week has been a struggle. Something happened. A player said something that made me cry day and night. I didn't think I was supported by the others. Even if they did, because I was, and they said don't leave us again ...yes, I tried, but anyway,  still. There was some wrong with all this. What Capybara said didn't help me either.

 

Yesterday, I deleted the LINE app permanently. Then I went into the game's chat and told the guy who hurt me that I deleted LINE. Because of he."Really?! WOW!" He wrote. "What wow?" I wrote. That if he doesn't stop whatever he's doing, I would leave the guild, I wrote. That I have been cried. So much.

 

Then I left the guild! I LEFT THE FUCKING GUILD! I didn't thought it was possible. But it was. I left.

 

Here happened exactly the same thing as the last time I left the game with the other players. I think that's why, I understand now, I was so sad.  But now lesson is learned.

 

Capybara found me on Discard. He was not that happy, I can't say that. Even if he tried at the beginning. But after he saw I left the guild? No. I was ashamed.

 

And the things he said was again not so different from what happened me before. He was hoping I could calm done, he said. But I can't . I'm who I am. And I don't give a fucking shit if others don't like me. Because I can't be anyone else. Who would that be? Shall I be as Capy? George? Surp? Ren? Or anyone else? Or what about myself? Was that too much? I guess.

 

I helped this guild a lot. (They helped me too). And they did appropriate all the time I did the war plans and the challange etc. And they did like me too.

 

But still, it became to much for me hearing about me again that I was spamming LINE, and I might have, because I can't handle it, I suppose. No one force anyone to read my shit. But also, no one force me to stay either.

 

I have lay done years to this guild. So many hours! Probably if we conting every hour it's years of my life. The very least they shouldn't let others treating me badly. But maybe they was ok with it. I don't fucking know anymore. Well, I wasn't ok with any of this. It became a wake up call for me. Wondering why the hell I lay done so much time to this game.

  The guild helped me a lot. With tips, etc and I grow up my account back to track again. Yes, thats true. And I helped the guild. Yes thats also true.

 

 

It all started when I guy didn't used one single sword in the war. Not the first time. And I said I couldn't forgive that. This player got boted from the game. Not my call. The leader and leaders. I was not the only one that was upset. But there was other things that came up that was about me. From one of the another players. And me being hurt was because it was exactly same things I heard about me before, when I deleted my account. Sorry I repeat myself. But I need to keep saying this so I can let it go.

 

  And to be honest I had already before, just a day or so, all this happened told my friend from Sweden that I wanted to leave the game. Said I was hoping it would passed. Than when this happened it was the thing that made me do it.

 

I removed the Discard app as well.

 

There is no sense trying to convince yourself that they wouldn't get tired of my post. Because we are around players that only cares about the game.

 

I don't know why we even bother to call us "friends” because we are not friends. That said, I prefer real friends. Saying they missed me. It makes me happy.

 

When the players makes you cry for all day and night it's really time to go. They have, today, already forgotten all about me. I mean this was 2 days ago.That's a lifetime in the play world. 🤣They are playing war season 2 now. The are saying things like "Nice winn!"

 

That's what is important. Yeah. Totally normal in the play world.

 

I was confused too,  after been talking almost every day for years  to Capybara on Line. That I was waiting for him to show up. Did I have feelings for Capybara? I told him. This is going to far, he said to me. We both don't need that. This is all about the game. Of course it was going to far. All I have seen is a picture of an Capybara. Of course I didn't have feelings for an Capybara. 🤣🤣🤣It became very clear for me I need to go now.  And I will never come back this time. Bye FOREVER.

 

Found a prayer I prayed, because I am a Christian today I got the strength for the first day in weeks! Was in church and ate! Laughing with friends in real life. It was so much fun. They said they missed me so very much. The game friends already forgot me, or they will most surely do so very soon. 😂 New war. Thats everything. Not strange at all. It's just about the game. Nothing more.

 

Tomorrow I want to go to Mass and Lectio Devina. All day today I have been listening to hymns. I thank God. I never thought I would leave but now I have! Will be happy to tell this to Petra. God's peace and all the best! SeekNDestroy in the mobil phone game No mans land TWD.

 

My last stars?